Embodied.
I woke this morning clouded by last night’s emotional gut punch. It was four weeks ago that Kellie and I completely remodeled the master bathroom at one of our rental houses. We had been fighting a water leak for over a year, and it was a losing battle. Finally, in desperation, we tore out the old tub and a wall of tile to re-plumb the whole thing. With new pipes, a new shower base, new tile, a new floor, and boatloads of fresh caulk, we were deeply satisfied.
Then last night came the impossible message: our guest texted that, sure enough, water was dripped through the floor again. There were simply no words for the desolation I felt. And feel still. Sometimes a relatively small crisis (like a water leak) can feel cosmic in scope.
Despite my deepest held conviction that Providence prevails, Love wins, and that all will eventually be right with the world, I regularly encounter another voice that speaks the opposite… That the world is too far gone, that madmen rule, and that we are powerless to heal much of anything. That the water leak will have the last word.
Of course watching the news only serves to reinforce that dismal message, which is why I watch so little; life can feel depressing enough without a constant diet of fresh tragedies. I’d like to think that my media filtering is not denial as much as it is an intentionally healthier diet for the soul per Philippians 4:8. But there might be some avoidance in the mix too.
This morning I was trying to figure how to get out of my funk. My usual practices left me feeling meh, and I became aware of how visceral our emotional messaging is. While many of us are programmed by culture or personality to let our thinking dominate our inner world, it is the emotional center—conscious or unconscious—that typically impacts the soul more deeply than the mental center. As an old friend used to say, We make decisions emotionally…and justify them mentally. I find a lot of truth in that…and we’ll be exploring the specific influence of the imagination in our March 26 workshop (that you can access on Zoom here).
But there is an intelligence center more fundamental yet, one that most of us are least in touch with: the physical center. Our bodies.
We are embodied souls, and our bodies often tell us truths that we simply can’t access with either heart or mind. Most often our bodies communicate threat with some combination of the big four: fight, flight, freeze, or fall asleep. Chemically, the body releases adrenaline or melatonin. When I got the news about the water leak last night, I reached for a cigar. It was an instinctive move to check out (fall asleep) and avoid the despondency of my apparent failure.
Our bodies also communicate blessing, security, and joy by activating endorphins or dopamine. This morning, as I grappled with a way to reclaim my center and find my way back to my True Self, I became aware that neither a head practice nor a heart practice would re-root my capsized soul as effectively as a body practice. So here’s what I did:
I made a fire in the fireplace and sat with my coffee, watching the flames, listening to the crackling wood, smelling the smoky scents, and feeling the house shift in the blowing wind outside. In other words, I entered consciously into my five senses.
I went next to Centering Prayer, which is a regular practice for me, one that eschews all three intelligence centers in favor of what we might call soul or essence. But this time I approached the exercise with more embodied awareness.
Next I went out to chop and stack wood, moving a load from the front yard to my back deck.
The Latin phrase solvitur ambulando is attributed to St. Augustine and translates as “It is solved by walking.” Not solved by thinking, mind you, but by moving your body. I think that the Spirit of God sometimes has more access to our hearts through our bodies than our minds.
Physical activity can have a deeply healing effect upon the soul. “There is a strong resonance,” says author Cynthia Bourgeault, “between rhythmic labor and mediation…strengthening the ability to carry the centeredness of meditation into daily life.” From my experience chopping and stacking wood today, I would have to agree. With each conscious heft of the axe and placement of a log, I sensed my soul coming back into alignment.
I still don’t know how the water leak drama is going to play out. But now, from a reclaimed center, I can lean into that challenge with confidence that a solution will present itself. I may have to carry a few more armloads of firewood in moments of despondency, but I trust the Spirit to affirm that all will indeed be well, both with my soul and with the world.
growing the soul
Try this three-centered Ignatian meditation on the Prodigal Son and find yourself afresh in the ultimate story of love and grace. And if you’ve struggled with body image, read this post from our nutritional coach Ashley.
serving the world
If you haven’t already found a way to contribute to the heartbreaking crisis in Ukraine, give something here today to send practical care to the beleaguered bodies of our brothers and sisters in conflict.
takeaway
Listen to the wisdom of your body.