True.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. (Eph. 4:22-24)

The Dutch priest / professor / writer / pastor Henri Nouwen—one of my personal heroes—said that the most personal is the most universal, which is why I attempt to weave examples from my own life into the fabric of big ideas when I write. In other words, if an action or emotion or event feels particularly intimate or vulnerable to me, then I am probably rubbing up against the larger human experience, The Story in which we all participate.

Right at the heart of the human story is our daily struggle between the True Self and the False Self. At least I hope you experience that as a struggle, or at least a tension. Where there is no struggle, generally the false self has been given full rein. The greatest purpose of our life journey is to let go of the false and incarnate the true, or in Paul’s words, to be formed into the fullness of Christ (Eph. 4:13). But although the terms false self and true self evoke a vague sense of morality, what do they actually mean?

Back to the personal. Any given twenty-four hours of life contain both true and false. Here is a bit of mine: I was headed into a dinner with extended family, and I was running on fumes. Tired and stressed by last-minute preparations for a retreat (ironic, huh?) I allowed questions about my driving and parking to induce irrational feelings of failure and shame, which showed up in snarky replies that created a toxic environment. False self. Diminishing to myself and others.

To add insult to injury, I got food poisoning at that dinner and was up all night horribly sick. But the next day I stumbled into the retreat and felt fresh grace and strength to extend genuine presence and hospitality to those who gathered and guide them into meaningful encounters with God, one another, and their own hearts. True self. Enriching to my own soul and others.

It was a modern monk Thomas Merton (1915 – 1968) who fleshed out those terms with a specific meaning, which I will describe here through my own lens. The true self is the authentic expression of Christ’s life uniquely channeled through you. For example, every person has a creative spark, but your creativity is specifically yours, one of a kind.

Every one of us is shadowed by an illusory person: a false self. This is the man that I want myself to be but who cannot exist, because God does not know anything about him. … My false and private self is the one who wants to exist outside the reach of God's will and God's love — outside of reality and outside of life. And such a life cannot help but be an illusion. … The secret of my identity is hidden in the love and mercy of God. … Therefore I cannot hope to find myself anywhere except in him. … Therefore there is only one problem on which all my existence, my peace and my happiness depend: to discover myself in discovering God. If I find Him, I will find myself, and if I find my true self I will find him (Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation, p. 34-36).

So whether it shows up as creative hospitality or creative blogging or creative songwriting or creative business-building, its origin is from The Creator and filtered by the specific grid of your personality and experience. This truth of the self is equally valid for the Godward and the Godless, although the former consciously seeks to clean the lens for a more genuine divine light whereas the latter unconsciously clouds and dims the lens with the shadow of their false self.

Proverbs 4:18 says, “The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.” The Old Testament historical commentary tended to assign the polarities of righteousness and evil to particular people: this king was righteous and that king was evil. Very contained and unambiguous assessments.

But the actual biographies of Old Testament players showcased a more nuanced reality, one that I think resonates more honestly in our modern perspective: that each of us contains a complicated mixture of both true and false, good and evil. So although few of us are completely upstanding or completely debauched, there is a righteous path—one that we have the freedom to choose every day—and that when we do choose it, it shines brighter and brighter with the divine light of Truth. That is the true self.

The false self is, of course, its opposite. The false self is the anxious, defended, self-referencing, wounded, and coping self that diminishes the light of God in ourselves and others. The old Bible word is sin, and true to form, it brings death to our souls. It squelches the light of God in the world and contributes to our universal alienation and suffering. The aggregate extension of our human falseness results in all the global division and war and injustice that clogs the media channels with despair. In certain moments it feels like the False Self rules with an iron grip. Only to be surprised when the light of God shines brilliantly once again through another human representative or group. 

Again Paul urges us to “not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Rom. 12:21). The life of Christ within us is constantly seeking to manifest itself. This is what Paul calls being “in Christ” in over 200 references and what Jesus refers to as “remaining in me and I in you” (John 15:5). The more we are being sourced by the life of God in Christ, the more we (and others) are experiencing the true self in us!

It’s also important to point out that the false self can appear extremely spiritual; we might call this the religious false self, and this is a disturbing reality that most of us experience from time to time. Just about any spiritual practice you could name can get hijacked by the ego to make us feel good about our spiritual performance. This is a particularly insidious form of falseness, embodied by the Pharisees of Jesus’ time. And we all have a little Pharisee in us. In our true self moments we recognize and let go of that imposter with great relief.

Of the many biblical passages that describe the struggle between the true and the false, perhaps the most beautiful is Psalm 139, where David affirms the divine formation of our birth and our destiny, and how the darkness can never overcome the light within us. It ends with a poignant plea, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (v. 23,24). 

Being led in the everlasting way is the journey from false self to true, a journey both joyful and arduous that occupies the lifetime of the Godward soul. This is what we are meant for, and everything else in life—marriage, work, and all the rest—is simply the canvas for that emerging masterpiece. How do we walk the path from false to true? That will be another post, but the true self – false self paradigm is the context for the journey.

ThriveTip

Puzzled about the trends of your true and false self? The Enneagram is a modern-ancient map that helps us understand the tendencies of the nine personality types, both true and false, and set a course for ongoing transformation. For a little Enneagram fun, watch the creative video below!

Takeaway

Verbally affirm the true in yourself and others today!