Center.
Last week I wrote about the challenge of loving our enemies and how the genius of loving the difficult people in our lives is related to our intrinsic connection as humans created in the image of God. Both the best and worst of humanity share this kindred DNA…so when we love the other, we are truly loving ourselves. And fulfilling the Great Commandment.
Well, the heat got turned up this week.
My daughter and her family live a mile down the road from us, next door to two of our Airbnb houses, so we have a casual relationship with a couple of the neighbors there. A few days ago, one of those neighbors told me to never talk to him again (because of a very minor dispute over noise), while the other neighbor went postal yesterday on Ashley and Jeromy (because of some construction on their property) and threatened legal action.
Man, I’m telling you: This loving your enemies thing is hard! Especially when people think you’re the enemy. And then again when their actions make them actually feel like an enemy.
This morning I went into Centering Prayer feeling a little beat up by the last episode, and it was predictably harder than usual to let go of my raging thoughts and simply be present to my union with God. And that’s okay, our spiritual practices aren’t a performance; they are a way to keep recalibrating our souls toward what is most real and true. But I was reminded of the classic passage in James 1 where he uses the metaphor of being blown and tossed by the wind and waves of circumstance. Yep, sounds about right!
Sometimes our circumstances come with an emotional violence that leaves us gasping for air. Stunned, disoriented, angry. It’s as much of an assault as a physical blow…and James challenges us to “consider it pure joy.” I have to say that I’m not there yet, but if I can dial that bar down a bit, I can say that I can occasionally appreciate the trials and tests of personal conflict because I want to grow in my capacity for love.
As we discussed in the last post, love is the name of the game. Love is the point and purpose of our human journey—and our only hope for redemption in the world. So this means that I have to get better at it, and the only real way to do that is to have these kinds of turbulent opportunities for love. Especially in the face of injustice and meanness.
I try to remind myself that these two neighbors aren’t bad people. They are just acting badly out of their own fears or need for control or past injuries or whatever. We’re not so different, them and me; I have my own fears, control issues, and hurt history. So how can I love these people?
I imagine myself driving down the dirt road between our house and theirs and seeing this woman out walking her dogs. What will I do? What will I say? Will I stop and try to engage her, or will I ignore her? If I speak, what words should I use. I feel anxious just thinking about it and would prefer to just never see her again. And this woman clearly needs to experience the love of God. I just don’t really feel up to the task…but I know that Christ in me is.
I did feel a little more “centered” after finishing Centering Prayer, but I know that these thoughts and concerns will continue to dog my thoughts for a while. James says something about this scenario that I’ve always found a little troubling: “That person (the one in the wind and waves) should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”
Feels a little harsh at first read, but here’s what I think James is trying to say. It’s not that God looks at us and says, “You really suck at this so I’m out of here.” No, James has already described God’s character the way we intuitively know to be true: God is “generous,” and not “fault-finding” (v.5). But when we find ourselves battered by the waves of emotional turbulence, we often lose our center. We lose our single-mindedness of security and perspective…and we ourselves shut down the channel of God’s provision. Until we remember what is true. Remember who God is for us. And receive that centering reality back into our souls.
This is the fundamental work of spiritual formation, and it really is a gift. That’s why, when we’ve survived the storm, we can look back and say, Okay God, that painful experience brought me something beautiful. And I’m grateful. And maybe I can even approach a bit of authentic joy over your faithfulness in my life…and, beyond me, in the collective human experience. Love wins.
…………………..
I paused writing this post for a couple days, and over that time, two things happened with these neighbors. The guy I was able to catch in his yard and was able to engage in a very conciliatory conversation, so I think we can at least be neighborly again. In contrast, the lady on the other side made good on her threats and instigated legal action against my daughter’s family that is distressing to say the least.
Last night Kellie and I met with Ashley and Jeromy and my parents to pour out our hearts in prayer, listen in silence, and then discuss things. And even though we really don’t know the right path yet, there was a sweet sense of God’s presence and comfort. So while we wait and pray and take baby steps forward, I’m carrying these truths in my heart:
Just beneath the turbulent chop of circumstantial waves lies a still, peaceful reality of well-being… and God invites me to occupy that space where, as St. Julian of Norwich says, “All is well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.” That is true center.
Forgiveness is often a repetitive motion that softens our hearts over time. Loving my enemies is an art that mystifies me, but I’m counting on the Holy Spirit to be my teacher and guide me into this beautiful truth (Jn. 16:13).
Contemplate
How do you deal with the turbulence of wind and waves? Most spiritual practices essentially invite us beneath the waves to that stillness and silence that lie at the heart of reality, at the heart of God. I find that Centering Prayer is a great way to tap into that space, and you may have other ways that lead you there. Back to presence, back to singleness of mind and openness of heart. What situation in your life finds you needing to re-center? And how will you do that?
Takeaway
Hold your center in the storm.