Ashes.

The mystics of most traditions all eventually speak in some form about “dying before we die.” Jesus said it this way: “Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds” …and then went on to demonstrate this profound truth in his own life, death, and resurrection. But Jesus died many times before he died…as must we.

Every time Jesus surrendered to the will of the Father, it was a small death. Even fully willing surrender is an act of dying. From his very entry into humanity “taking the form of a servant” to his early admission that “I only do what I see my Father doing” to his Gethsemane cry “not as I will, but as you will,” Jesus yielded. Jesus died to self-will and experienced the liberation that death can bring.

This Wednesday begins the 40 days in the church calendar called Lent—some of you are very familiar with this and others not so much. On Ash Wednesday, we embrace that which we avoid most strenuously: death. We’re invited to even place ashes on our foreheads in the shape of the cross, a symbol of death. It’s understandable that many churches, especially hip contemporary ones, skip over this particular ritual. It’s so much more appealing to jump directly to resurrection. We Protestants don’t even want to see Jesus’ body on our decorative crosses; no, we’re into a more muscular Christianity. We want triumph, not suffering.

Americans aren’t much for dying in general. Most cultures do a better job of being present to death than we do. Instead, we’re infatuated with youth and beauty and entertainment and productivity. That last thing we want to deal with is our mortality! Even funerals tend to be a drive-by event. In and out. Pay your respects and get back to living as quickly as possible. But Jesus speaks directly to our compulsion to get ahead…

“Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it.” Jesus, what the heck are you talking about? I think he’s talking about dying before we die. To be a Christ-follower is to consciously choose a path of descent. And, counterintuitively, to find that surrender to these deaths leads us out the other side to our heart’s deepest desire: a life so expansive in breadth and depth that it can only be called eternal.

So let’s get real. When was the last time you died?

Mine was last Saturday. Ever the optimist, I had four tasks on my agenda…and I got through one and a half. Did I celebrate the one and a half that evening? No, I griped about the other two and a half. And while I generated some unnecessary suffering, that was not the death that God was inviting. Not yet. That was simply my inner control freak feeling sorry for itself. In fact, that willfulness is precisely what needed to die!

A more positive example emerged yesterday when I was remodeling a bathroom. After tearing out the old bathtub and a wall of tile, the plumber said, “Sorry, there’s no room for the pipes in this new configuration.” Argh. Decision time: “Save my life” through anger or anxiety, or “lose my life” through surrender? By God’s grace, I passed that particular test and chose death. I yielded to trust. And sure enough, there was a “resurrection” on the other side that involved building up the floor five inches.

I don’t know much yet about actual death and dying—the kind that transitions us from this world to the next. No one intimately close to me has died yet. But I’ll tell you how I want to approach death when that time comes. I want to be so experienced and, dare I say, “comfortable” with thousands of small deaths that the big death feels like the most natural step in the world. That the sting of death has been so disarmed in my yieldedness to God-embedded-in-circumstance that I can enter into the final death with anticipation more than trepidation. I hope so.

If all this morbidity actually resonates as life-giving for you, as part of the unexpected and upside-down gospel of Jesus, then let’s embrace the next 40 days of awareness with enthusiasm, looking death directly in the eye and knowing that it is simply the door to the life we long for. For now…and for later.

growing the soul

You may know that Centering Prayer is a great way to grow the soul…but you may not know that it is a keen way to embrace “dying before you die.” The voluntary release of thoughts and their tyranny is an act of humility and trust that diminishes the power of the ego. Read more about the simplicity of Centering Prayer here.

serving the world

Serve our local community by joining our Ash Wednesday service if you’re close to the NC mountains. Or serve our extended community by joining the upcoming book circle on Zoom (March & April), where we’ll be exploring the death and rebirth of the current container of Christianity. Serve the global community by praying for our brothers and sisters in Ukraine who are suffering in this new senseless war. Pray that they too will experience resurrection on the other side of suffering. We are all connected!