Squeeze.

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Someone asked me yesterday, What do you want most in your life? How’s that for a big question!? My answer came pretty quickly, and I don’t know how spiritual it is… I want peace. I want inner stability (which relates back to last week’s post on my vision to live “freely and lightly,” and the challenges around that). So, your life purpose that might be quite different from mine, but I think we all know what it feels like to be out of peace, to feel churned up on the inside with some blend of anxiety, shame, or anger. It’s not fun.

A guy named David Frenette gave us a great expression years back: “Don’t squeeze the cactus!”

Squeeze the cactus? Who would do that, on purpose anyway? Well, in a very real way, you and I do this all the time. We hold onto something that we want (or think we want), even though it causes us pain. It’s the opposite of living freely and lightly; it’s an effort to try to control circumstances in our lives that are beyond our control. And the more we try to hold on, the more it hurts. We’re supposed to learn from pain, but this is one area where we are slow learners. At least I have been, but I’m starting to get the hang of it.

Here’s an example: As you may know, Kellie and I own a small vacation rental business. We sort of fell into it about five years ago, and even though this industry is not exactly marked by peace and inner stability, it has helped us pay the bills while we’re in grad school and while The Vining Center is still in its infancy. So we’re grateful. A month ago we had a couple reach out to us about managing their new vacation home purchase, and it was in the perfect neighborhood. Looked like this was going to be a perfect fit and help increase our cash flow. But a couple days ago, they decided to go with another management company. I’ll admit, I was disappointed… but not devastated. In the past I would likely have churned on the inside about that reversal for days, squeezing that cactus and causing myself needless pain. Instead, I realized that this was likely God’s mercy in protecting us from getting too busy as get ready to move, bear down on class assignments, and get ready to travel to Portland for our next onsite.

And I let go of the cactus. Whew, what a relief to not keep generating pain. Can you relate?

I can already anticipate my next test. We’re under contract to sell our house, and the all-important house inspection comes up in a couple days… actually, about the time you’re reading this. You probably know that inspections can be Pandora’s box, and if the deal is going to fall apart, this is generally when it happens. Can we hold that loosely? Can we accept any outcome as the grace of God? I may be a slower learner, but I’m ready to let go of that darn cactus! How about you?

growing the soul

So what’s the cactus in your life right now—that thing you really want to happen, or not happen? You feel deeply vested in the outcome, but you can’t control it. Can you trust deeply and let go?

serving the world

How does it affect others when you squeeze the cactus? Probably brings out the worst version of you. And what energy do you put into the world when you’re holding your circumstances freely and lightly? Yeah, me too!

takeaway

Let go.

"Already Broken”: You might enjoy watching a video I made a few years ago on a similar theme…