Healers.
…O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.~ ascribed to St. Francis of Assisi
stages of healing, 5.
Some might argue that our healing isn’t complete—no matter how restored and healthy we become—until we then become an agent of healing in others. I tend to agree.
We can all look around and see how cycles of injury are perpetuated and multiplied across generations and cultures, whether that be broken hearts, broken families, or broken nations. The antidote to this destructive pattern is to perpetuate and multiply healing across generations and cultures. This is the greatest challenge and opportunity we face as a human family.
Becoming a healer isn't easy. It takes a Superpower.
It seems that at least some level of suffering in our lives is absolutely necessary in order to breach our instinctive self-interest and soften our hearts toward the needs of others. This truth in no way vindicates the injuries we bestow so recklessly upon others… but it does point us toward the redemptive potency of Grace. Paul reaches for this heavenly hope when he urges us to “not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Redemptive goodness does have that kind of power, which means that we are all called at some level to the ministry of soul healing.
For some, this is a primary calling, but for everyone, tending to the wounds of others is part of our own healing. Carl Jung coined the term “wounded healer” to describe the connection between our experience of pain and vulnerability with growing our capacity for empathy and understanding the struggles of others… and I imagine you have encountered this in your own healing journey, hopefully on both the receiving end and the giving end. The compassionate, attentive presence of a listening friend is a healing balm all its own.
On the other hand, it’s all too easy to be, not only reckless in wounding but even reckless in “healing;” unskilled leaders are often susceptible to this kind of interpersonal clumsiness. We sometimes move too quickly to trite fixes, or even honest truths, without first simply entering into the painful space of those who come to us. This is the definition of empathy, and no one should enter into spiritual leadership without the personal maturity and the specific EQ training that allows one to flow naturally in this spirit.
Compassionate listening in your healing superpower!
Henri Nouwen says it brilliantly:
Cure without care makes us into rulers, controllers, manipulators, and prevents a real community from taking shape. Cure without care makes us preoccupied with quick changes, impatient and unwilling to share each other’s burden. And so cure can often become offending instead of liberating.
And Nouwen should know—he wrote the book on being a wounded healer. Developing your healing Superpower requires several things of us:
That we have walked (or are currently walking) our own healing journey.
That we know how to “hold space” with compassionate presence.
That we bring limbic stability to the healing relationship.
That we are bold to enter another’s heart space without violating legitimate boundaries.
That we are motivated by genuine love without needing egoic affirmation in return.
Fundamentally, becoming a wounded healer means navigating an essential shift in power. Our own injuries are usually perpetrated by those who occupy a more powerful position in our lives than we do, particularly in the formative, vulnerable space of youth. Eventually, however, we must grow into our own true and holy power as autonomous souls, able to possess and protect our hearts from the reckless incursions of others and resisting the temptation to likewise intrude on others’ powerlessness. In this way, we learn to protect the weak and help them uncover their true agency and identity.
In a word, we learn how to love. And love is the most powerful force for healing and restoration in the world.
growing your soul
How would you evaluate your powers as a healer with the five characteristics above?
serving our world
Which one do you need to lean into more right now?
takeaway
Grow your Superpower.
*I am neither a medical doctor nor a psychotherapist. Instead, I write and minister as a pastor, a spiritual director, a professional coach, and a theologian. Nothing in this blog series should be construed as psychiatric advice nor substitute for professional medical care around the experience of trauma.