Anamcara.
What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined to strengthen each other?
~ George Eliot
Better a nearby friend than a distant family.
~ Proverbs 27:10
rooted, 4.
The famous icon above, sometimes known as "Christ and His Friend," is one of the oldest in existence. It was painted in the eighth century in Middle Egypt to depict Saint Menas and his relationship with Jesus. Menas was a fifth century Egyptian Abbot in one of the earliest monastic communities called the Bawit Monastery. There are a number of unusual aspects to this icon, particularly compared to the styles that emerged in later centuries, but what grabs me the most is the intimacy it conveys. Many later icons of Jesus were more severe, more emotionally distant; but this one captures the warmth and nearness that the gospel stories convey.
I bring up this icon because it was given to me by one of my dearest friends, a true anamcara… a word and concept I’d like to introduce you to.
An Irish Gaelic phrase that translates to "soul friend," anamcara is a central concept in Celtic spirituality where soul friends are recognized as essential to our formation, essential to becoming our true selves. The ninth-century document called the Martyrology of Óengus quotes Saint Brigid of Kildare as counseling a young cleric that “anyone without a soul friend is like a body without a head.” That’s pretty strong!
But what really is a soul friend? Is it the same as a best friend? (not necessarily) Is it the same as a prayer partner? (maybe) So what is it then?
A soul friend is the person who, as Anne of Avonlea would say, is a true “kindred spirit”—someone who simply gets you through and through. You rarely have to explain yourself because there is an intuitive understanding between you. The affection and delight you share in one another’s company is undergirded by an abiding respect. You feel completely seen, known, and loved by this person. You know you could share absolutely anything, no matter how embarrassing or vulnerable, because you would be ruthlessly supported, consistently encouraged, and unconditionally loved! And there is a fundamentally spiritual dynamic in the bond you share even when there is nothing overtly spiritual being done or discussed.
Friends of this caliber are few and far between, and I have gone many years without even one at times. If you have one now, you are rich. If you have more than one, you are truly blessed.
But I want to return to the essential Celtic context of anamcara. Do you realize that the depth, breadth, and overall health of your spiritual formation depends on what happens in, around, and through this relationship? In other words, neither of you can live into your true being and calling without the other. That makes an anamcara truly sacred. Worth finding and worth protecting with all your might.
To close, I’ll just bring this beautiful image of soul friendship back into the context of our series on rootedness. The stabilizing force of being known and loved at this level is profound. It’s like the tether you see on young trees when they’re planted that go out in three or four directions and secure them into the soil with deep stakes. With all my heart I wish this kind of companionship for you.
growing your soul
Give this whole idea some reflection, and see where it takes you. Get in touch with the depth of your desire for this and when you have experienced it in the past. What could be done now to seek or strengthen the soul friendships in your life today?
serving our world
If you feel disappointed with the level of pursuit you have received from prospective anamcaras, look around and see who you might pursue. Soul friendships cannot be forced, but they can be pursued.
takeaway
Go. Deeper.